Reporting CW44′s Couch Potato
Growing up in Virginia in the 1980′s, we believed at any moment the Russians could be coming. Today that fear sounds silly, but back then it was a real threat. So to prepare for this invasion I watched and played a lot of Red Dawn in the back yard as a kid. My friends would yell “Wolverines” and pretend to be C. Thomas Howell’s vengeful Robert shooting down a helicopter with a rocket launcher.
Early this fall we began to see the trailer for the long shelved Red Dawn remake that opens this week. Myself and others on social media had one reaction to the remake of our beloved classic. Blasphemy! People took to Twitter and Facebook to voice their displeasure with the remake. Galvin from “The Cowhead Show” had a fantastic open letter to the creators of the Red Dawn remake asking the question “Seriously?”. How could they remake Red Dawn? The scenario can’t even happen in today’s world to begin with.
This remake got me thinking. What are some movies that are deemed sacred? Movies that should never have a second treatment. Movies that would send fans into a crazed frenzy if they were remade. Films that have never been remade or given the reboot treatment. So I gathered my list of movies I deemed untouchable. Here’s my list, in no particular order, of the four films I would consider sacred.
If I ever hear someone else besides the late John Matuszak utter the words “Sloth love Chunk” on the big screen, I may lose it. Just like Red Dawn, countless kids of the 80′s played The Goonies in their backyards growing up, hoping to find One-Eyed Willie’s treasure. Just like The Bad News Bears before it, The Goonies showed how foul and hilarious young boys can be. The scene stealing Jeff Cohen as Chunk eats up all the scenes including the famous Fratelli interrogation monologue. The Goonies also blended suspense into the laughs with the gang trying to complete the pirate obstacles in their search for treasure. Richard Donner, along with Steven Spielberg producing made a timeless classic which should never be touched, not even for reboot purposes. The Goonies still makes me laugh out loud to this day.
Smokey and the Bandit
There’s nothing like a good old fashion beer run in a Trans-Am with an ignorant, but hilarious Texas Mounty in pursuit to entertain you for two hours. When I look at Burt Reynolds my first thought is the Bandit. Reynolds charisma created an iconic character that could never be duplicated. Plus the world we live in would prevent Smokey and the Bandit from being made in modern times. No one has CB radios in their cars anymore. Big Brother watches our every move, so there would be nowhere for the Bandit and Snowman to hide. Everyone is allowed to have Coors beer now, so that takes away a huge driving point of the movie as well. Speaking of roles that could not be duplicated – can you really imagine anyone besides Jackie Gleason as Buford T. Justice delivering some of the funniest lines in movie history? I didn’t think so.
I know some people look at Jaws and think the film needs an update. Honestly, they may have a point. Bruce the mechanical shark doesn’t hold up against today’s Computer generated effects. The fact is if I didn’t put it on my list, people would say “I thought it was your favorite movie? Why is it not on the list?” and there right. Jaws should be on my list. I know the shark looks fake, but the movie still holds up as an inspiring piece of film-making. The acting is top-notch with Schneider, Dryfuss and Shaw and the film turned Steven Spielberg into the director we know today. Jaws created the summer blockbuster so for that reason alone it should be held as sacred. Unfortunately, I think I will see another water fearing Chief Brody take on the great white menace in my lifetime.
The Wizard of Oz
Jaws may be my favorite movie, but when people ask me whats the best movie of all time is, I never hesitate. It’s The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz came out in 1939 and still has a major presence in pop culture. The movie has crossed generations being shown annually on television. My parents showed me The Wizard of Oz, I showed my kids and they will show their children the classic. It’s actually impressive that no one has tried to remake the film. King Kong came out at the same time and that’s had a few remake treatments. One of the reasons is The Wizard of Oz still holds up as a film to this day. The story is great, the practical effects look better than some of the jittery CG out today and who could forget the music. This is coming from a guy who hates musicals. I know we had the crappy Return to Oz in the 80′s and Sam Raimi’s prequel Oz: The Great and Powerful is on the way, but no one should ever touch the original story.