I know that I have been somewhat of a snob when it comes to movie remakes in the past. The disastrous remake of Red Dawn inspired me to create part 1 and 2 of my ‘Sacred Movies” list. Most remakes are terrible. The Bad News Bears, Psycho and The Pink Panther are perfect examples of remakes gone wrong. There are always exceptions to the rule though. The Fly, Dawn on the Dead, and The Thing are remakes that improved vastly on the original film. This week we see the remake of The Evil Dead hit theaters. The Evil Dead is a movie franchise that horror fans like myself hold near and dear, but I have seen a surprising reaction from fans. The audience seems very excited to see this remake. I think the main reason is the available resources to make a better film than the 1981 classic. Lets face it, the original doesn’t hold up well by today’s horror standards. This got me thinking of other movies that need to be remade. So I compiled a list of ‘The 4’ movies that I think need the remake treatment.
The Punisher (1989, 2004, 2008)
This one is personal to me. How can Marvel’s most famous anti-hero Frank Castle AKA The Punisher not get the big screen treatment he’s worthy of? Hollywood has tried three times to get the character right and each film was worse than the last. Maybe I need to realize that The Punisher is a great side character, but can’t carry a film on his own. The Punisher is such a popular and recognizable character, there has to be a way to make it work. My advice is for Disney to go get Joe Carnahan to direct a gritty, rated R, New York set story and have Jon Hamm as Frank Castle battle it out with the Kingpin. It would work, trust me.
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
This pick may cause some controversy. Some may hold Big Trouble in Little China as sacred or want a long-awaited sequel to the 1986 John Carpenter film. I’m a fan of this film, but I can’t deem it sacred. The sequel would have been a good idea 25 years ago, but not today. So why not take the original source material and give a new spin on everyone’s favorite trucker Jack Burton. The Pork Chop Express could easily roll up on another supernatural gang war and battle it out with Lo-Pan. Today’s visual effects would improve the look of the monsters and maybe I can put in a call to my childhood friend Danny McBride to see if he would take on the role of Jack Burton.
Night of the Comet (1984)
This may be an 80s film many people are unfamiliar with, but I loved Night of the Comet. In Night of the Comet a comet turns the whole world into red dust except a few humans, including two valley girl sisters, who manged to stay protected by metal installations. If you weren’t turned to dust, you were transformed into a zombie and we all know how popular that genre is. Night of the Comet could use an upgrade in the effects department, but the scenario of what you would do if you were the last person on Earth is timeless. Night of the Comet is great 80s B-movie cinema that deserves a second chance in today’s movie world.
The Last Starfighter (1984)
I too was living in a trailer park in 1984 so I could relate to Alex Rogan (Lance Guest) from The Last Starfighter. I envied Alex because he found a way out of the trailer park by beating his favorite arcade game “Starfighter”. After beating the game, Alex finds out that an alien race made the simulator game to recruit new pilots. Alex enlists in the alien space force and saves the earth. Now I loved this film in my younger years, but truthfully it doesn’t hold up today. If I’m being brutally honest, its kind of crappy. But with today’s technology and the fact that video games are bigger than ever this story could still work. Plus you could actually create the game from the movie and have another merchandising and promotional angle that would help the film’s success.